Open Letter to the High Schooler at Starbucks: You Stink.
June 10, 2008Dear Highschooler,
As I sit here next to you in Starbucks, you cannot imagine how much I envy you and your life. So much time on your hands and so little to do with it. Really, you think that you are “hella-busy”, but you’re not. And though I could talk you through this part of your life, what I would like to talk about is public hygiene. Specifically your cologne.
You see my friend, cologne is not like water. You don’t literally splash it on. You don’t hold it an inch from your chest and squirt. Instead, cologne should be misted and walked through. Cologne is an intimate scent, not something for anybody within 5-10 feet of you to smell. Please High Schooler, I beg of you, quit making the air so pungent when you walk by. People would rather smell fresh air than your cologne.
One more thing before I leave you. Please understand that Axe body spray is in no way a good thing. In fact, I think it may make your skin break out more than it already has. If you are wearing Axe in an attempt to “grow up” then consider this: nobody over the age of 16 wears Axe because it smells like A$$. In fact, I think that is what they should have called it.
Hoping that our next meeting is more pleasant to my scent of smell,
The Brown Kid
Thank you for this.
I was the kid in high school in Starbucks thinking my life was busy, and thanks for the insight into what those who looked at me thought.
But, anyone would have despised me for differing reasons, because I also despise the dousing with Axe, and could not support you more in spreading the word on hygiene and growing up. My roommate at school would leave the room to put Axe on if I were in there—He was 19 and still a user; sometimes you just see truly depressing images.
Michael
Starbucks is for emo high schoolers, apple fanboys, and corporate america tools. But, I still go there because its good. Oh well.
Yes, you can never have your cake and eat it too. I think that’d be fitting to this situation. It’s good, but miserable at the same time.
what is an apple fanboy? like someone who has way too many white electronics?
Michael
Michael – Good to meet you. I am also glad for your awakening from axe.
Syalam- totally agree. Yesterday we had all these highschoolers come in after their finals and I had to make a billion frapacinnos because they don’t know what else to get. In a way, I feel bad for giving kids so much caffeine. Frappacinnos are the wine coolers of coffee. It’s for people who don’t like the taste of the good stuff.